I've thought long and hard about what my first blog post should be. Do I talk about the weddings or the amazing couples I get to work with? or do I talk about the journey I have had to open my floral boutique? And one subject continues to haunt my mind and that's the love I have for my husband and best friend of over 20 years and the hard journey we have fought to be here and be together.
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| Steven and I, 2011 |
I don't want to give away the ending here but I feel like you are watching a movie based on real life, in which the ending is obvious. I have loved my husband Steve for as long as I can remember remembering. He is my constant, my biggest supporter and an honest ally that I know will, without wavering, have my back through the darkest hours and most treacherous of storms.
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| Everyone Knew, Before We Knew. A photo from before we were dating. |
Back to the beginning ...
Steve and I met in fifth grade. Yes, we are THAT couple lol. I still remember seeing him for the first time ... walking toward me ... all gawky and youthful but with a smile that could (and has) light up a lifetime. We connected that fateful day in 5th grade and continued our friendship into 8th grade and then on into high-school. Everything was perfect ... we spent every moment we could together. Steve would make me laugh so hard, every day, that my stomach would hurt from laughing.
The moment the laughter stopped ...
Late in high-school Steve and I had become active in our local church. It was wonderful ... we'd wander the church at night, praying together and enjoying the peace of devotion. One day, during Steve's deep reflection, he decided that he must pursue an education in the US. A long education ... one that would keep us apart for the better part of a decade.
I was crushed, lost ... and my 17 year old world was spinning. I felt like the pain would never end. A part of me, like a limb was being torn away suddenly and by choice, of my best friend in the world. No longer just best friend ... at that moment I knew ... and then he was gone.
A series of bad decisions ...
Life after Steve seemed empty and pointless. Obviously it wasn't but at 17 years old, man did it seem like it. During this dark dark time ... I buried myself in books and my artwork. I hid away in the technology lab creating morose paintings and sculpture. I wanted to feel the emptiness at it's most complete and I did.
It was at this time I met my first husband ... we'll call him "Bruce". Bruce was a false light in my darkness ... like that crazy looking fish you see in "Finding Nemo" who creates his own light just to lure you in.
All the signs were there, possessiveness, anger, a controlling nature and the slow process of cutting me off from my friends and family.
Once we were married, I was alone in my darkness and our large house was a like a prison.
Several times I tried to escape the darkness and several times I failed. And then finally ... after 7 years, I found the strength and was reminded that I COULD make it one my own and not only that, I would rather live my life alone then to spend another second married to Bruce.
I was free.
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| A photo of my shortly after my divorce |
The news ...
The phone rang ... a familiar voice ... long missed and loved ... "I'm coming home".
A light in my heart flickered with this news. A light I thought was long lost. But what did it mean? ... Did it mean anything? ... Did I still have those feelings or were they a just a pleasant memory?
At first what it meant was that my friend was simply home to visit. He'd suffered his own trauma and was recovering from his own loss. I was newly divorced and as anyone who has left an abusive marriage will attest ... it's a journey. I am now 25 and he is 26, we're healing but back in each-others lives after 7 long years.
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| Steve and I shortly after his return home. |
The struggle ...
As if the process were not hard enough, we both had to go through some pretty painful relationships. We were up, we were down and we even went nearly a year not speaking as a result of one of my particularly bad choices. Truly one of the worst years of my life.
And then came ... Steve's 30th Birthday.
Yes, four years later ... our first date. Neither of us knew this would soon be considered our first date ... but it most certainly ended up that way :)
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| Steve's 30th Birthday |
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| Steve's 30th Birthday |
After taking a few photos in the park, to commemorate the occasion, we hopped in my vintage mustang "Thelma" and headed to a restaurant in the country. This was that day I fell deeply back in love with my first love and best friend Steve. I still remember the song that played in the car on our way home from dinner, Colbie Caillat "Fallin' for You".
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| The way I have never loved another |
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| Us with my vintage mustang, Thelma |
Then came marriage ...
Years later still, we said our vows. To each-other alone and with no one and nothing between us but love and the support of our family and friends who all shouted "it's about time" and the conclusion of our ceremony.
I regret nothing about my life or the experiences I've had. They've shaped us both and led us back to each-other, more prepared than our young selves and more grateful for each-others love and company that ever before.
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| The love of my life waiting for me to arrive on our wedding day <3 |
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| Me trying to make it through my vows without sobbing. |
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| After our exchange of vows |
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| With a promise, to never leave each other again, we wed. |
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"I've loved you since before I can remember remembering"
- Excerpt from Brandy's wedding vows
And now you understand why I devote myself to love and weddings ... they are the end and the beginning of love stories for the ages.
